14May2012

Dear Diary

Today's 14th of May,Monday.
Yesterday was the first time ever I cried because of him. We didint get to neither chat nor talk on the phone. He was in a bad mood and I wasnt in a very good mood.Both of us just..gave up.
HE was pissed off with me 'Oo..'-ing. and i didint know what to say which led to that answer.. then we ended our conversation in a depressing way.
My friends ask why do i look moody,or rather pale. I didint know what to answer I just shrug.
I dont dare to even look at him cause I know he doesnt like seeing my face like that..but I just couldnt help it.

 I wanted to chat but you looked as though you didint want to..

Love,i love you.


I texted him after school cause I know I was sort of wrong (although I think im innocent actually) for replying that kind of message. He asked me if I want him to fetch me to tuition.Im cheered. At least he'd also done something..to save our relationship.

We had our usual daily phonecall just now..And stupid me went and talk about my sister going Redang..which led to the 'Bikini' topic.
HE wants to see me on bikini. I mean,I've no problem with that. Just that I dont have the ideal shape to show it off yet. but I promise, I will strive hard to achieve that ideal shape,and wear it for him. I swear. the moment I get to know him,I realized. He is that kind of person..who will look into the physical perfection. He's, i think (no offence my dear) that kind of person who chooses his girl based on her physical appearance.
I told him I've physical imperfections on my body too..and I seriously dont dare to show it to him. Its degrading. I believe,after he sees it..he will start to think twice on his decision..


I personally think that that imperfection will definitely not gonna stop me from wearing a bikini. cause I know there are those bikini bottom which can cover that particular part. And if there isnt, I will try my best to find ways to wear it beautifully for him. 
I dont blame him if he cares the imperfection. I mean,I believe all guy cares. Its just that we dont know they could accept it or not. As for my dear, I think he would have a hard time accepting this. I dont know.
I just hope he could understand,that I didint want it too.
If i had the choice,i would of course choose to not have it.
I grew from big to small. and that transformation led to this
I seriously didint want it.
I hope you can understand.
I myself also have to accept the fact,and its hard for a girl to accept.
He'd even ask if there is any cream or what that can help cure or slightly shade off the imperfection.
I dont know if there is.
But from what he said, I know he cares.
I felt like telling him 'I like just the way I am.And I hope you too. I hope you wont mind these. You should accept the way I am if you want me to be your partner'
But then, I think it would be harsh..and its good if there's any cream that could help cure my imperfection. Its a plus mark.

If he ever minds,I just hope he could get over it after sometimes..and just accept the fact.
 And if he cant accept it. then I know what will happen next..

I am a rational person.

By the way,

ILoveYouTooDude.

Sign Off

Erica Bong

2am

xoxo.