1June2012

Dear diary
today's 1st of June, on a friday night.

We're in the mid of the year already. Time flies. our 1 month anniversary is getting closer
Soon you'll get to know of this secret diary of mine..hmm

Finally
Yesterday I handed the gift to..his cupboard.
I hid it inside he couldnt see it so I have to tell him about it -.-

I thought I succeeded. I thought I've made it to give him a surprise and to make him happy.

Today I went to Delta to fetch the bf back home.
Till we reach home..the bf took out the glove and we tried on it
he said there's one which is smaller than the other..and I tried
yea,turned to be one is M and d other is L.
he didint like it and said it wouldnt be nice to wear 2 of a different size..and ask if Im still keeping the receipt.
at first I didint care what he said..cause no matter what I still cant change it since its long already..
I just kept cool and kept on smiling..convincing him that it's alright to have a diff one.or not you can wear back your adidas one.

Not until he said 'see,i want to sad already.'

I can feel my facial expression changed from smiling to sad
I was sad..
just a simple gift like that..I cant do it perfectly..
and that makes him sad.
I planned to give this to him..so that he'll be happy..
but I failed
I failed in my hands itself
I should have checked before purchasing
I should have kept the receipt eventhough Im not gonna use it anymore
See,
now he cant have a perfect present.


I cried on his shoulder..quite hard this time..but not my hardest
Its pain in the heart..
cause a simple thing like that also I cant manage it well
Im not blaming to the bf
I am blaming myself
for not being alert and careful
Im so stupid..so useless.
That's the reason why I cried.

The bf consoled me..wiped away my tears..calling me to stop crying..offering me tissues and water..
I started to calm myself down.. and the bf said please dont cry.. my heart felt very pain..and hurt..you smore cry so long..make me feel sad for so long..
He asked me why did I cry.. i refused to tell cause I dont know how to tell..
then tears start to accumulate in his eyes..he's hurt
he thought he's the one who cause this.
my turn to wipe away his tears..and hugged him.
I love you dar. I want you to have a perfect present. now its of a different size,and that I couldnt find the receipt.it'll remain like that forever
Im sorry. I promise to not repeat this mistake again.
Sorry.

he said it again....ily

On our daily phonecall.. we talked about last time.. how we started smsing each other..
how we started that convo this convo..
how we started fell in love..and all.
he told me kejun they all actually nearly fell in love with him..
and the reason why he didint take actions..made me speechless.
so now i know he chose me because of these reasons.
Now I know.


and then we slowly talked about merentas desa..
and how did i react that day on weipin.
slowly the topic comes to controlling anger..and attitude stuff..
He said he didint like to see my pekchek face
or to be exact, its HATE.
he asked me to control my anger whenever I feel pekchek..calm down.. take breaths..and slowly tell him what had gone wrong.
But I know myself
I know myself well that I couldnt control when Im in pekchek situation.. its..mend inside my brain..to react like this..I dont know why..
I will try not to vent my anger infront of you next time.. only after Im back home.. or was far away from you..I will.
I will hide myself somewhere..and do my business there.
I wont let you see my shitty face..and then you'll degrade me.
and you said you'll perhaps break up with me if I were to react like that again.
I went speechless. lol.
I promise to you I will try hard not to show you angry face..wont vent my anger infront of you.. wont pekchek infront of you.. try to think rationally..take deep breaths..
I dont know if I can do it or not..but i will try my best to hide away.. I dont want to do stuffs you didint like..
I will try my best.

Sign Off

Erica Bong

1.33am

xoxo